& Silence Declares♥

It has been a week since i last blog...

What has happen for these past 7 days??? If u were to ask me, I would answer you the same old standard answer on normal days... However for the past week, lots have happen to me during my stay in the 5 days 4 nights Scout Camp that I went to and not only that, things at home have gone for the worst...

1) After returning back to Scouting from my absence of 2.5 years, I guess i have alot of things to catch up with... It was really great to be able to see all my mentors again in this camp and once again, they have taught me new things... =)

2) I did a self reflection during this camp... I realise how much I have really grown throughout the past 2.5 years... From a boy who just want to do thing his way and viewing things at a very naive way, to someone who is able to give things a much detailed and further thoughts... Not only that, I realise I'm much more initative compare to the past... For once, I'm no longer that self-centre... Self-centre in this case does not mean than I'm selfish or what... But it just mean the kind of recognition I hope to attain...However, I no longer go for the recognition of anything that I have done... Or rather such thing r not impt to me anymore... In the camp, there are time where the participants just commented to me that the Trainers are not as tired compared to them etc... If it was 2.5 years ago me, I would have really blasted that person on the amount of thing a Trainer has to do and the amount of sleep they get every night... But when they told me that that day, I just merely smile at them and say that things might not be as simple as it seem... Sometimes, doing thing behind the scene is much better than being in the limelight, coz being in the limelight just simply mean that u r not allowed to make any mistakes... I guess I'm enjoying being the silence angel behind the scene...

3) This camp also allow me to have another realisation... Being in the midst of the forest in Sarimbum just make feel totally relax... Like I'm away from the rest of the world without any stress and obligations... It just gave me that vacation feel and I found back something that I treasure greatly 2.5 years ago... That would be my love and feels to be with nature... Nothing matches the serenity of the place in the wilds...

4) As I have said, things at home have gone for the worst... I would say that I'm finally at my wit's end... Thus,I'm hoping for nature to run its due course and praying that LM would let everything be tide over soon... Nothing matches the helplessness of being unable to return back home... Especially when it is the holiday period for me... I no longer know how long can I cover up the fact that I'm unable to return home and have to stay in hall... The feeling isn't good... But I just have to bear with it.... Sometime, I'm just wondering... Did I not do enough for my mum?? If not, I duno why she chase me out of the house and shut herself off from everyone who cares for her???

5) Enough if my family prob being said... As the proverb goes, it takes 2 hands to clap... If my mum refuses to open the door to her heart to me... All I can do is to just keep praying and smsing her to let her know that I care...

I'm really tempted to say that I am failure in being a son to my mum...

No matter what other says, I still think I am the biggest failure... Coz I can't even keep my family intact...

Guess I'm going to end this entry this way... As for whether I'm a failure or not, those of you who are reading this entry, please do not let me know of the answer you have in your heart...

Take Care and may LM looks over all of you...

Silence ;