& Silence Declares♥

I'm kinda losing strength now... Still trying my best to hang in there...
Been studying non-stop ever since morning... Of coz, I did take a break in between... But it is not enough to get my strength back...

It is like trying to perform a major magick without sufficient reserve to back me up... And my vision is going blur and stuffs... Yet I know, i cant give up now... Coz if i do, all my past efforts will go into the drain...

Can someone just give me some mana potions or elixirs??? I need to rejunavate myself before I continue...

Kinda wear out/ burn out by everything around me; family, exam and personal issues...

There is no one to support me, the last I check...

I seriously need some physical support, like a hug and someone to say personally face to face to me that it is alright, I can still go on... Words and smses do not work anymore... They feel kinda empty... Like something without feeling..

Yet, how many can really understand what I need or what I'm going through???

I guess I'm the only one...

Silence ;

Sent Dad off this morning at 5am at Changi Airport... I'm kinda worried, coz dad is going to Bangkok, not for a work trip but accompanying his friends to go pray.

Been having this indescribable feeling since Dad told me that he is flying off to Bangkok... As u know, the situation at Bangkok now is quite tense... I'm praying very hard that nothing happens..

Feeling kinda tired now too... Coz I nv sleep last night... Spent my night at airport coz want to save some cab fare.. So i reached Changi Airport at like 12.30am... Den waited there till 5am when Dad finally arrives...

Think I'm going to Changi Airport tml to study and at the same time await for his return... Thankfully he is just going for 2 days 1 night... haha...

I got to jia you... Coz my exam is only 1/3 way through... =) Will persevere on...

As quoted from my laptop wall paper: "No Matter how difficult it is, I shall overcome it..."

PS: it is not easy to be alone... But i will continue to bear with it...

Silence ;

I'm feeling terriblily lonely...

Why when I know how to appreciate, and ironically I have lost it...

孝 - look like i will never be able to complete this word...

I will forever be a lost sheep wondering in the big grass patch...

Silence ;

Wonder is due to the darkening sky in the afternoon or is it due to me being woken up by Raymond early in the morning at 5.30am today, there was this very weird feeling in me...

This feeling was the same feeling that i felt when i first got enlisted into tekong, when i got trapped in camp in 30 SCE during a heavy 3 days 2 nights downpour during my supposed night out... In fact, it was the same feeling that exist in me when i was in thailands for my oversea exercise during november 2007...

I realised I was homesick, this is the homesick feeling that i'm have felt for the whole of today... For those who know, they will know why i'm feeling this way... My mind kept flashing back all the moments that i spent with my family... The first time i saw them leaving me when i got enlisted in tekong, the first time I had a meal with them at jalan kayu prata shop after my 2 weeks confinement, the time of missing them when i got trapped in camp due to that big rain, the time when i was in thailands for training and the time when we went to genting together..

Maybe it is the weather, it just keep reminding me of that heavy downpour moment in nov 2006... Maybe I listen too much to 'love of siam' OST... I kinda miss everything.. I kinda felt alone, it is as if no one is there for me... I know I have alot of people who cares for me, but somehow i just felt that way...

A line picked up from 'Love of Siam': "is it possible for us to love someone without the fear of losing that person? or is it possible to not love at all?"

This is the line that has been in my mind for the whole day...

I kinda got upset when i was looking for someone to have dinner with and i got rejected... I called dad, but dad was bz with work... I told dear, but she somehow make me feel as if im unwelcome for dinner in her place... I called bro, bro was on his way back... I tried to focus on my book in the evening, but i cant focus at all... End up, I went to woodlands... Coz I realise i misses the place there,.. I miss the library which i spent 6 years in preparing for my major exam and a place i spent my time in looking for my favourite author.. I miss Causeway Point, coz i used to go there with my family every sunday during my sec 1 and sec 2 years... I miss woodlands coz dad's factory is there too...

ps: I'm sorry dear for not being able to tell u the reason of why i'm upset... I wanted to tell u... But i just can't... I know u are concern and u didn't meant to make me feel unwelcome... But it is just me... I got upset and nothing went in... My pride start kicking into place too... I guess u must be really upset when i refuses to tell u the actual reason b4 u went to bed... I know u care... But u wun understand the angish and upset-ness i had in me today... Even if u do, u certainly cant feel it 100%... Thanks for your ever-ready shower of cares and concern when i need it... Thanks for the unconditional love shower on me... I guess I have been a spolit brat for these 2 weeks... Give me some times to return back to normal again k??? I already lost 1 important person in my life... I cant afford to lose another one... Please be patience with my these few days...

Silence ;

Went to Bugis to study today...

Why did I do so??? Coz I need a change in environment to help me study plus i'm missing the food in bugis, so went there so that i can have my dinner there too... haha...

At first when i reached there, i wanted to settle down in NLB... But being located at the CBD area and being near to the exam period of all university and secondary school, the library was really packed... So end up I have to walk back to Bugis Junction and settle down in TCC instead...

Tried 3 different flavours of tea while Iwas there today, Russian earl grey, French earl grey and divine choc tea.. All tasted nice and smell great... Bad thing about TCC that is next to fish & co is that their air con is really blasting...

After staying in there for 3 hours, i decide to leave the place coz I manage to complete half of my objectives for studying today... Went back to NLB again.. tried to read abit but the lighting was quite bad that it make reading quite difficult.. As i have to wait for dear to reach Bugis, I end up walking around Bugis Junction instead...

Finally dear arrived... haha... Was really starving, so went for dinner at pinetree cafe... and continued mugging at TCC again... This time round i went to the outlet located in the mall itself... the lighting and temperature were just nice... so finish reading the rest of my notes and went back... Quite a fruitful day...

I will be studying out of hall from now on... Feel that i can concentrate better that way...

To end off, I have taken 2 pics with dear today:

ps: I like the way she smiles all the times... It certainly brighten up everything within our vicinity... =D

Silence ;

Why did I lose control today?

It doesnt serve any purpose at all.

After all these months, I tot i had a better grip on myself.

But it seems that i'm proven wrong today.

Silence ;

Our 3rd month just passed on Thursday...

Time flies seriously... 3 months went pass in a blink... =) I'm just so glad that she is always there for me all the times... Although sometime exams and tests do keep us apart for a few days without seeing each other, but it is the joy of knowing that she is there that really make a difference.. =)

Nothing beats waking up in the morning seeing her morning greeting message in my hp... Nothing beats seeing her smile at every silly actions that i have make... In front of her, I know i can just be myself cause i know that i could no longer hide my true self with her gentle gaze... =)

Happy 3rd month my dear!!!

ps.: duno why blogger is so lagg in pic uploading today... Think i will upload the pic another day... haha...

Silence ;

The last mid term is finally here...

This means that i have to work harder as the final exam will be appearing in 2 weeks time...

Jia You!!!

No more lazing and no more distraction... ONLY 100% focus...

Silence ;