& Silence Declares♥

Wonder is due to the darkening sky in the afternoon or is it due to me being woken up by Raymond early in the morning at 5.30am today, there was this very weird feeling in me...

This feeling was the same feeling that i felt when i first got enlisted into tekong, when i got trapped in camp in 30 SCE during a heavy 3 days 2 nights downpour during my supposed night out... In fact, it was the same feeling that exist in me when i was in thailands for my oversea exercise during november 2007...

I realised I was homesick, this is the homesick feeling that i'm have felt for the whole of today... For those who know, they will know why i'm feeling this way... My mind kept flashing back all the moments that i spent with my family... The first time i saw them leaving me when i got enlisted in tekong, the first time I had a meal with them at jalan kayu prata shop after my 2 weeks confinement, the time of missing them when i got trapped in camp due to that big rain, the time when i was in thailands for training and the time when we went to genting together..

Maybe it is the weather, it just keep reminding me of that heavy downpour moment in nov 2006... Maybe I listen too much to 'love of siam' OST... I kinda miss everything.. I kinda felt alone, it is as if no one is there for me... I know I have alot of people who cares for me, but somehow i just felt that way...

A line picked up from 'Love of Siam': "is it possible for us to love someone without the fear of losing that person? or is it possible to not love at all?"

This is the line that has been in my mind for the whole day...

I kinda got upset when i was looking for someone to have dinner with and i got rejected... I called dad, but dad was bz with work... I told dear, but she somehow make me feel as if im unwelcome for dinner in her place... I called bro, bro was on his way back... I tried to focus on my book in the evening, but i cant focus at all... End up, I went to woodlands... Coz I realise i misses the place there,.. I miss the library which i spent 6 years in preparing for my major exam and a place i spent my time in looking for my favourite author.. I miss Causeway Point, coz i used to go there with my family every sunday during my sec 1 and sec 2 years... I miss woodlands coz dad's factory is there too...

ps: I'm sorry dear for not being able to tell u the reason of why i'm upset... I wanted to tell u... But i just can't... I know u are concern and u didn't meant to make me feel unwelcome... But it is just me... I got upset and nothing went in... My pride start kicking into place too... I guess u must be really upset when i refuses to tell u the actual reason b4 u went to bed... I know u care... But u wun understand the angish and upset-ness i had in me today... Even if u do, u certainly cant feel it 100%... Thanks for your ever-ready shower of cares and concern when i need it... Thanks for the unconditional love shower on me... I guess I have been a spolit brat for these 2 weeks... Give me some times to return back to normal again k??? I already lost 1 important person in my life... I cant afford to lose another one... Please be patience with my these few days...

Silence ;