Today bxb was all about 禅定. How I wish I can just integrate that into my life and into myself?
Anyway, today while I was travel back to jurong from toa payoh, it strikes me on how distant I am from people around me. Even though people see me being very close to all my buddies and best friends around me, but somehow I feel a barrier between myself and them. It is like I'm unable to blend in with them. It feels as if I'm a lone rock in the middle of a river. Friends around me just blend with each others and I'm left standing there alone. Although there are constant companionship, however the feeling of loneliness dun seem to crease.
I know I have a very wonderful girlfriend, Bro and buddies. But the feeling of loneliness is still there. I kinda feel insecure.. I want with desperation to blend with everyone and to try my best to help them, however, at the same time, I'm afraid of losing them.
I'm afraid that my constant care and concern for them will become something that causes me to lose them. On the other hand, I just cant stop myself from caring for them; from giving them a hand and a few words of encouragement.
That bring me back to my first statement at the beginning of this post. If only I can 禅定, I would not be feeling this way ba..
Silence ;
